San Diego, CA – Yes, too much love, enabling and babying is a recipe for disaster as parents in many cases play a huge role prolonging the drug use of their kids, many times leading to sudden death. Trying to get a loved one help can be very tricky and the rules of the game do not always include rigorous honesty. It is commonly known that if the lips of an addict or alcoholic are moving, they are merely lying. So, parents, spouses, and friends have to fight fire with fire. All those involved with getting the addict help must do whatever it takes to their troubled family member or friend. The problem is that many of the parents have what Mark DiBenedetti, Sober Life Services President, refers to as Chocolate Milk Syndrome or CMS.
The stories of the Mom who is coddling her son, who is not a kid any longer, are a massive
issue and problem in the world of addiction. The strongest parental connection lies primarily with moms. However, the father can fall prey to CMS also, but not nearly as much as the mother with her maternal instincts. It is somewhat understandable of the Mom who babies her adolescent kid, but a 40-year- old man, whom the mom treats like a newborn? The enabling of the parent is leading to the demise of their flesh and blood. So, who needs the help here? The answer is simple. The parent needs life coaching and counseling and of course the addict or alcoholic needs treatment and a solid, lifelong program of recovery. What is seen in the addiction industry is that many of that the parents who never had a drug or alcohol problem are the king culprits of pouring gallons of chocolate milk into their adult “kids” overflowing cup? CMS is a symptom of the problem and refers to the babying, lifelong behavioral problems, and the actual treatment of the parents loved ones. Chocolate Milk is the symbol of a false sense of comfort that the parent delivers to the addict, not allowing her adult/child to grow up and take full accountability for their choices. However, CMS is poisonous and can lead to death. These parents are more prevalent than you would tend to believe due to nature and critical issues that are faced daily when dealing with a very sick kid. More often than not we see the parents get sick, lost their job, or marriages and family shattered over their chosen ways of “helping” their kids.
On the flip side, we have parents who themselves were addicts or alcoholics and know the
ropes. Usually, this parent does not have chocolate milk running through their veins but may have experienced a CMS parent of their own that enabled them and knows that the placating and babying they received was of no help to them as it fueled their addiction. This ex-addict parent with their experience, for the most part, knows that giving in to the wants and needs of their son or daughter can be deadly as they have seen horrific events of what can happen as a result of being on a lifelong program of sobriety. Tough love, not really, just basic parenting with real experience and truth. These experienced parents can relate to what is happening to their kid and knows what it takes to get sober and stay sober, assuming they have retained their sobriety and are still involved a program of constant action and maintenance. It is common knowledge that the behavioral patterns of an addict or alcoholic are cunning, persuasive and a master manipulator so even the savviest, sober parent is still at risk of falling prey to the motivated addict.
There are countless tragic stories of the CMS parent who went overboard. Recently, a local
treatment center posted an article about a mom with a serious case of CMS. The mom had a 28-year- old son suffering from heroin addiction {the heroin /opioid addicts seem to be the worse} because of their whiny, complaining nature due to their drug of choice. The son had been threatening to leave treatment {commonly referred to as AMA, leaving against medical advice} after the mom had promised, swore up and down, that she would in no way enable her son any longer or allow him to live under her roof. The father of this adult male was in full agreement and had enough, however, here comes mommy to the “rescue”. The son told his mom and dad that his drug dealer had contacted him in treatment and is threatening to come and kill him if he does not pay him the money he owes for drugs. Lie. Lie. Lie. The dad tells his son to stay in treatment as he will not be allowed home. The son then cries and begs his mom to get him. Mom caves in and drives 12 hours away to pick up her son from treatment. The kid flees from her car, goes and buys some dope and drops dead! Chocolate milk to the extreme. Less than a week later the mom decides to take her own life due to her grief. The father, now left without a son and a wife, is left with why, why, why. Good question.
There are no rules, there are no laws, in this crazy world of drugs and alcohol when it comes to parenting. It is clear, however, that parents, especially the moms, when dealing with a son or daughter with a history of drug or alcohol addiction need to seek help for themselves immediately and follow closely the instructions of a true professional. The risk of not seeking help may be the determining factor which could result in a mournful burial, joyous wedding, or the birth of a grandson or granddaughter. The result of the parent not getting proper mentoring, counseling and education is without a doubt a life or death situation. Parents, take heed, listen up, get help. The help you receive may save your kids life.
Author: Kevin Leonard
Organization: The Recover
Address: 402 West Broadway, #400, San Diego, CA 92101
Phone: 877-957- 2244
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